Where Do I Sign?

This is an actual message I received on Ashley Madison:

Hey you bad girl
I am an old fart that loves to show young girls a good time in bed. I have all my own hair and teeth but I don't bite unless you ask. I can make you squirm and scream just by using my tongue
[name withdrawn]

Where do I sign for that sexy morsel of man meat?

Man Handling

I just need to be man-handled. I can live without cock a while longer but I need to be smacked around a bit. Hair pulled, ass spanked... that kind of thing. Desperation will likely set in by the end of the week and I will resort to potentially embarrassing measures to get what I want.

LJBF

The Cuddler is officially done with. I asked him straight up if our "brief little thing" was done and he suggested we just be friends. I was LJBF'd! This has never actually happened explicitly like this before. Normally I just let it phase out and I don't start a "talk." But I did so high-five for me!

It's totally cool and all because honestly I only enjoyed the cuddling, watching movies and making out because I never do that shit. I could participate in those activities with practically anyone. He was just conveneint. He's a nice kid and I hope he goes places.

PS. Did every one have a frightful Halloween? I learned that "punny"costumes are a good way to weed out stupid men. I love some good wordplay foreplay.

New Socks

I got some new socks for my Halloween costume. They looked killer online but once I put them on I wasn't really sure about them. I've been wearing them around while prepping the rest of my costume and now I LOVE THEM. They are cozy as fuck and will be perfect to sleep in or wear under jeans when it's crazy nipply outside. And I think they're kinda hot in that dorky way. Since I got my laptop back without incident I figured it was time to add some new pictures. :)

Penis Envy

I really want a dick. For like a day... maybe a week. Just to try it out and you know, fuck the shit out of stuff. I'm seriously jealous of the cock. My envy doesn't go as Fruedian as wanting to obtain my father's penis and replace my mother, but I do wish I could try one out.

Shout out to RG for bringing this up recently. It's something I've though about before. I don't just want to fuck stuff, I want to know what it feels like. And as patriarchal as this statement is, there is power with a cock and I want it. Don't be thinking I don't appreciate being a woman. It's awesome, minus the whole menstrual cycle thing.

I've been meaning to write about this in depth for a while. And I will. Eventually.

PS. I totally missed my one year blog anniversary that was in mid JUNE! Everyone treat yourself to a delicious cupcake or an orgasm or something today. :D

Broken Laptop

My laptop is in the repair shop. My computer-y knowledge leads me to believe I just need a new power cable whereas they're trying to scare me by saying it's likely the motherboard. No fucking way, geeks. I refuse to believe! They're preparing me for the worst by suggesting they should try to backup my files for an outrageous fee. Fuck. I could have done that. My external hard drive has been sitting here empty just waiting for a prime time to fill 'er up. That time never came. And now some pimply-faced sexy and undersexed smoldering tech support dork genius has access to all my files. And let me tell you, there are some interesting files tucked away. I'd like to believe there is protocol and ethics used in this sort of thing but I doubt it. I'd sure as hell be snooping around for something scandalous.

Keep the pictures for yourself if you must, Tech Support Guy. All I ask is that you don't post them willy-nilly on the internet... at least try and get some decent cash for them. I KID! Please don't do that. Why? Because I knew your charming, intelligent self would be fixing my broken baby and I wanted to leave you a nice tip ;)

Co-Worker

I got some bad news when I started working this new fall/winter season. The Co-worker has been transferred to another location. Sad fucking news, eh.

I miss our talks. I told him so much stuff I have never told anyone else. I even told him some stuff about John and nobody knows about that. I miss the tension between us. It was very inappropriate, very distracting and very sensual. I miss checking him out. He was just beginning to bulk up over the summer. I can only imagine how jacked he is right now. It's probably for the best I can't see him, really. Bad things would happen. And I simply miss working with him. He was a chill, cool guy that took the work at a pace I liked.

Don't even get me started with one of the new guys I work with. He's an old, chain-smoking alcoholic that wants to set me up with his son and get me to go to Mexico during spring break with him. Yes. He is one of those creepy old men that go during spring break to hit on bikini clad girls. He has the photos up to prove it.

Work is no longer a sexy place. Except for all the hot dads...