Oh no! I’ve become stereotypical girl. I’m now one of those girls that can’t handle a strings-free fuck buddy relationship. I wanted to beat the odds, I really did. A month ago I was fine. I think the realization of how on-going this is without a definite end in sight bothers me. I can try to blame it on external factors like “he was pushing a relationship on me from the beginning” or something like that but I wont. This is my own failure and it’s a mess. I either need to make it a real relationship, take a step backwards or call it quits. We’re in the middle of a discussion about where we stand right now and it’s not fun.
We had a slight tiff (prompted by yours truly) about his lack of making me a higher priority, which was countered by “my mixed signals" as I previously advocated that "I don't do relationships." This was my opening for telling him I was confused and don’t know what do to about our situation. His reply, “That’s not something I can help you out with. I hope you sort out your thoughts…” It’s true to an extent but he could have at least thrown me something to work off of!
Am I afraid of rejection? Who isn’t. Am I afraid of acceptance? Probably just as much. Part of me says walk away yet part of me says keep going. I might as well go for it, at least for the hell of it. My maxim for things I’m not fully comfortable with is, “at least it’ll be a learning experience.” This can be one of those moments if I am willing to risk the emotional fallout. My dorkiness and business-mindedness just proved themselves as I made a pros/cons table to evaluate all possible alternatives. Fine, I’ll throw the offer on the table… in a few hours.
I honestly don't know how it'll play out. It could go either way.
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