Cupid Reports

I joined Adult Friend Finder a little while ago just to check it out. It’s not my cup of tea but it does provide some great laughs. I get these email messages called ‘Cupid Reports’ that suggest potential fucks. It’s basically a picture and a brief introductory message.

Look at these fine examples:

im 6ft brown hair green eyes, into almost anything and would love to learn some new stuff im 8 inches long and normal witdh
– So... necrophilia and bestiality are out?

i ame a young sex machine that wants tomake love to as meny wimen as posible and satisfy them
– I've always wanted to be a notch on a bedpost! I call dibs on #35.

Im hot and i love sex and anything you'd like, so contact me ;)"
– No :)

I fuck cause I can I'm all about sex favorite quote: "bitch, I don't want to hear about your dang fucking day: get on your knees"
– I mock dang fucking douchebags cause I can.

i guess i would be average body type i wear glasses oh shit and i'm still a virgin
– Oh shit, indeed.

I;m out here looking for a nice good looken lady I;m 23 I love to go to bars party hard I run my own landscaping business and work my as* if your interested in meeting a nice guy that knows how to ..."
– proofread, keep looking.

My name is Simon, i enjoy smoking weed and partying. I love metal (and all types of music) and i play the guitar, and i scream in a band. Im a bored little virgin lmao
– Scream in a band? I am fucking sold. Bring the weed, your small cock and meet me at the steel mill.

looking for a good time. very good with more then one body part at one time. should cum and see what im talking about.
– Read that one again, ignoring the cum 'joke'.

I work at [redacted] collage I have a little brother that is 8 year. Me and jaydan like to skate bord to all the time that is my brother. My name is kyle 21 years old I like going campping and going ...
– Aw, how sweet, he loves his little brother! Their mother would be so proud.

hey Ladies:) Im 18 5Foot8 and 7.5 or a bit more if you know what i mean:P ;) natural blond hair but black ATM. Blue eyes. talk to me maybe il like you:)
– And maybe he won’t desperately cling on to any girl that shows accidental interest.

for some sex in my city i hope some ladies like mefor some sex in my city i hfor some sex in my city i hope some ladies like meopfor some sex in my city i hope some ladies like mee some ladies like ...
– "I think I can. I think I can. I think I can."

Names Tj. &my eyes are green! they change depending on my mood. dark brown currly hair fairly well put together (Y) lol anywho, this is me To the world, I am what people know as a... Absolout ***hole ..."
– At least he recognizes he's an ass. That's a plus, right?

im handsome young and sexy i want to meet new friends. and im also looking for a girlfriend who is sweet and kind. im still studying. i can do crazy things when im horny
– Crazy things like murder and dismemberment?

i love war video games and i love to play out side. i am good with my hands, i love to make things and i love to give back rubs or full body rubs
– Go play with Kyle and Jayden, they’re looking for new playmates.

Hey ladies my name is Neil, i have a 22in cock and not afraid to show it
– And I have a 34ZZ rack.

My favourite for the day:

i have alot of upper stranght, alot of things turn me on and im looking forward to meating you – If only there was a chance this kid used ‘meating you’ on purpose.